Father of the Groom Speech

In my family we have a cherished saying, which is that “Life is like a fountain.” This saying has passed down from generation to generation. Shortly after Andrew and Marissa’s antelopement, Andrew thanked me profusely for imparting this sage wisdom to him. “Life is like a fountain” had given him strength and confidence throughout his life. He credited it in large measure to achieving the greatest joy in his life, namely falling in love with and marrying Marissa. But then he added, “You know dad, I never really understood what “Life is like a fountain” really means.” I thought for a minute and answered “Okay, so maybe life’s not like a fountain”. Andrew and I adore that variation of an old joke, and he asked me to repeat it this evening. It’s an example of our shared love of quirky Jewish humor. My other son Eric shares that same sense of humor. You heard him speak just before me. Who knew that trait is inherited? So, you have now been warned.

There is a beautiful Yiddish word, bashert, which means any event or situation that God intends to come true. The most common use of the word refers to two people finding each other’s true soulmate, and that is definitely the case with Marissa and Andrew. It may come as a surprise to you that a bashert event in the Bible actually foretold the union of Andrew and Marissa. After the Jews fled Egypt, God promised them the land of Canaan, therefore getting to Canaan was bashert, that is, divinely ordained. Just how does that biblical story foretell this evening’s marriage? Because it is no coincidence that it took the same forty years of wandering in the desert for the Jews to get to the promised land as it took Marissa and Andrew to find each other.

I asked Andrew how he knew that Marissa was his bashert and he looked off in the distance dreamily and sighed “Marissa loves to do crossword puzzles.” Our whole family fell in love with Marissa from day one. She is the kindest, sweetest person we have ever met, and she is smart to boot. That is not say she is without flaws. I still can’t get my head around the fact that she detests reading Jane Austen novels. Puhleeze! Jane Austen ranks in the top five favorite English authors of all time. Another flaw is when everybody except Marissa groans after Andrew blurts out one of his endless streams of goofy puns, but there’s Marissa giggling and laughing away. Actually, that’s not really a flaw and it’s quite endearing. Love you, Marissa.

Speaking of Yiddish, Andrew won an award in high school for his uncanny ability to learn new languages. He once translated into Yiddish Shakespeare’s sonnet that begins “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day” and he recited it a school assembly that included many parents and grandparents. One grandmother later approached him and said “great job, but oy, your accent is terrible.”
Andrew was also a star on his high school wrestling team. This picture was taken just after he trounced the top female wrestler from a competing school. As you see, he is looking justifiably smug and confident. But you may ask, what is that owl doing on his shoulder? Some friends suggested that the owl serves the same function as a parrot does on a pirate’s shoulder, which does make sense because taxation, Andrew’s chosen profession, is just piracy by another name.

But it turns out that this particular owl possesses an “atman”, thus indicating… Oh, wait. Some of you might not know what an atman is. Please raise your hand if you know what an atman is.

Sir or Madam, come on up here and tell everyone what an atman is.

Why, it’s my 7 year old grandson Dash Gradman. So Dash, what is an atman?

An atman is a word of Hindu origin meaning the eternal spirit of a person or creature that can be reincarnated into a different living person or creature.

Correct. And Dash, and who was the atman of this owl eventually reincarnated into?

Marissa Gradman!!

So, are you saying that spiritually Marissa was at Andrew’s side ever since he was a teenager?

“Yes”.

Dash, thank you for your help. This is added proof that Andrew and Marissa were always destined to be each other’s bashert. Could you give Dash a little hand for his expertise

I’m a little reluctant to report that Marissa and Andrew’s antelopement does not qualify as a true Jewish wedding. And that’s not because Andrew’s brother did the officiating. An obscure Jewish text states that a wedding is not officially Jewish unless hundreds of guests and family are present to gorge on a superabundance of food and free drink, and, of course everyone must dance the hora. This is a real Jewish wedding. I would suggest however, if you’re planning a third wedding, please serve some chopped liver, pickled herring and pastrami for some of us nostalgic old-timers.

I’m sure you all saw the beautiful Ketubah that Marissa and Andrew signed. As you have learned, it’s actually a contract between the two of them. You may not have noticed the fine print embedded in it that reads “We, Marissa and Andrew Gradman acknowledge that all three sets of parents are pulling for us to give them at least two additional grandchildren, namely at least one boy for the Marissa clan, since everyone on that side is a girl and at least one girl, since on the Gradman side there are only boys”

So now I was truly stumped how to actually end this little speech. I decided that artificial intelligence could help me. After I typed my request into the ChatGPT input box, I expected an answer in the typical four or five seconds it usually takes, but even after two minutes, no answer appeared. Just as I was about to switch to a different chatbot, something finally popped up. The reply read: “Ha Ha, just kidding about the delay. (That’s all I needed—a snarky chatbot). But you really must be some kind of dolt, aren’t you. Don’t you know that life really is like a fountain? Life is beautiful like a fountain, and just as a fountain shoots water into the air followed by a cascade downward, life has its up and downs, high moments and low. Life is like a fountain is an excellent metaphor for the newlywed’s future life together. My advice, then, is just to raise your cup and wish the bride and groom a long marriage full of joy and laughter and children, and then say the magic words, L’chaim – to the fountain of life.”